Letting go …

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Photo credit: Jeff Suchak (visit http://mythiclandscape.com )

Over the past week or so I’ve been forced – yes that is the right word though I struggled with the violence inherent in it – to let go of much. Some of what I let go was by my own intention – cleaning out one’s studio space, spring and fall cleaning, moving – all these things give us opportunities to let go.

Not being the chosen one means you either let go or you break up or break down (it doesn’t matter which way you break when you do break to anyone but you). Being rejected by some thing or some one always presents the chance to let go. Because again, you bend, you go with the flow, you blend in or you dissolve into the abyss.

So, this past week has given me many opportunities to let go.

One night on the way home from Guelph before the cloud cover hid the indigo blue of the sky, we found a place to pull the car over and just gape at the stars. We could see the Milky Way and countless brilliant lights we call stars. And we both thought out loud, “…will miss seeing the stars; can’t see this down south…”

When we came here, first as hiking tourists, then as newcomers—people from “away”, now perhaps as friendly acquaintances and people with recognizable faces, I looked forward to seeing the Northern Lights. I’ve never seen them. Oh Steve Irvine ( a local artist ) puts up some spectacular photos he captures near their home on Big Bay, but I’ve never seen them dance. So, sigh … I don’t have to let go of that vision; though I do have to let go of that possibility.

So today is a post of nostalgia … mostly for what never came to be.

But it isn’t sad, or bitter, or angry. It is just acceptance and letting go. Not getting what you think you want may be a good thing.

Mindfulness meditation in its myriad forms – concrete and intangible – has given me this gift of acceptance, acquiescence, equanimity. To just pay attention to what is in this moment; to savour the good (the link will take you to “Hardwiring Happiness”–Dr. Rick Hanson’s newest book). To … let go.

It’s what we aim for in any of the religions I have practiced. It’s a very spiritual practice for me. Letting go allows us to journey without being overburdened. Letting go feels so right right now. I feel lighter. I can see Light.

Sooner than we might expect we will journey only with what we can carry within ourselves. I’ve decided to learn to be a Pilgrim, so, I’m practicing letting go a little more each day. Perhaps I’ll sprout wings and just find myself taking flight. Letting go, I smile.

It’s raining … raining in my heart

Thanks to Buddy Holly for this…

And Jeff Suchak for this …

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Well, I’ll just get this over with. Yes, it is raining. It is “Hallowe’en” and the kiddos will be soaked before they get to the sidewalk. So that is just so not what I wanted. But does the weather care? No, it is callously pouring down and we are being threatened with a “rain warning”. I really have no idea what that means because the last time I got caught in a downfall (hmmmm… I think that was about a week ago) my jacket was soaked before I could travel from the door of the Zehrs store to my car. And it is my winter jacket. And even my shirt was wet…well, damp, very damp. And I know at least 4 people will say to me today as I run around on errands, “Well, at least it isn’t snow.” And I will work really, really hard on my compassion skills so as not to slap them. Why do people say these kinds of things? Why does what a stranger’s  struggle to connect  … errr friendly comments affect me in such a nasty way.

Perhaps because I have had between 4 and 5 hours of sleep for days…and yes, I am tired… but more than that I am feeling a little less than skillful at anything today. Disappointing news can do that to us … errr me. I can’t presume to speak for you. But I think that maybe you are affected the same way by disappointing news and/or sleep deprivation.

On the plus side, I did finish my book (wow I see that they made it into a movie … boy am I out of the loop) by 4:45 am this morning and it is due back to the library today. So no fines for me. Is that a skill? Getting books back to the library on time that is. Sometimes it is. I can remember lots of fines before email reminders. So thank you, Owen Sound etc. Public Library. I appreciate the reminders.

Another plus is that I do have a cheque to deposit. This is always a good thing. And hmmmm I do think I have a small cheque due from TOM too. I’ll have to check into that when I go to pick up my parking pass. So wow! I’m almost rolling in money. Coming up for air…now that was hilarious.

Another plus. Today is my last day of having to post giraffe pictures as my profile pic on FB. So Bob McFee you can look forward to November or should I say Movember, turning back the clocks, and Indigo Riff‘s Last Dance. sniff … bittersweet that is.

Then I read about Grad School Barbie … read if you haven’t already. Even if you aren’t an aging grad student, you’ll enjoy the humour. And humour is healing. Some days it’s even more healing than art. Now that’s saying something.

I’ll take my leave now…get my errands done…run to my studio…and laugh at the mess.

“Mama said, ‘there’d be days like this.'” But she also said even more frequently, “This too shall pass.” And after the rain there is much beauty.

New_1_DSCF6683  New_1_DSCF6657Thanks to Jeff Suchak at http://mythiclandscape.com for these lovely images.